Friday, November 29, 2013

Response: Survivor

Five For Fighting - 100 Years


I'm 15 for a moment
Caught in between 10 and 20
And I'm just dreaming
Counting the ways to where you are

I'm 22 for a moment
And she feels better than ever
And we're on fire
Making our way back from Mars

15 there's still time for you
Time to buy and time to lose
15, there's never a wish better than this
When you only got a hundred years to live

I'm 33 for a moment
Still the man, but you see I'm a "they"
A kid on the way, babe.
A family on my mind

I'm 45 for a moment
The sea is high
And I'm heading into a crisis
Chasing the years of my life

15 there's still time for you
Time to buy and time to lose yourself
Within a morning star

15 I'm all right with you
15, there's never a wish better than this
When you only got a hundred years to live

Half time goes by
Suddenly you’re wise
Another blink of an eye
67 is gone
The sun is getting high
We're moving on...

I'm 99 for a moment
And time for just another moment
And I'm just dreaming
Counting the ways to where you are

15 there's still time for you
22 I feel her too
33 you’re on your way
Every day's a new day...

15 there's still time for you
Time to buy and time to choose
Hey 15, there's never a wish better than this
When you only got a hundred years to live


Why this response?
The call photo made me think of the fragility of life and the sorrow of death. This Five For Fighting song makes me think of the same. And it's depressing. I suppose I should be (and that deep down I am) thankful for the life that I have, but I am terrified of death. The thought of losing anyone I love kills me, breaks my heart. I watch Joshua's grandfather slipping while his wife stays alive, and I can't bear the thought of Joshua and I in the same spot. Or of losing a child early. Or a friend. Anyone really. I thought that believing in heaven would make me feel better, but then people in the church told me that relationships don't exist the same way in heaven as they do on earth. I want to be married to Josh in heaven. I want my future children to still be my children. I want my best friend to be my best friend. I don't want to be a unattached soul.

How does this relate to Giving Thanks?
I want to give thanks for life and thanks for the people in my life, but 100 YEARS is not enough if I don't get to have my husband in heaven. I can't stand the thought of being like this...

"I'm 99 for a moment
And time for just another moment
And I'm just dreaming
Counting the ways to where you are"

... and worrying that I won't be with my husband in heaven.

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